Smiling for all the Wrong Reasons

Part of my job at The Blog Reader is to poke around looking for new blogs. It's common knowledge that 99% of the blogs out there are less worth one's time than a Puerto Rican tranny named Jambalita who totally looked like a chick and who still hasn't called me back, but once in awhile you stumble on something so noteworthy that you feel the urge to share it with those closest to you.

I found such a blog.

It's called Smile of the Day, and its very unfortunate URL is onceuponasmile.blogspot.com. The blog's tagline pretty much says it all:

Life is getting much too serious, yes? Who doesn't need a daily smile?

There are two major warning signs here. The first is the "yes?" at the end of the sentence; usually, this is a foreigner's handiwork, and you know how I feel about foreigners. The second is the phrase "daily smile." I'm trying to figure out a way to put this lightly. Wait a minute… Okay; think I got it. Here goes:

Anyone who uses the phrase "daily smile" should die.

But what really attracted me to this foreigner's (I'm assuming) quest for daily smiles was the content: post after post of unfunny jokes, most of them dealing with the differences between people from the US and the UK (with some mentions of Australians and Canadians included, just to keep things compelling). Now, if Foreigner McI'mNotFromHere had thrown in something fresh, like, say, the differences between white people and black people, I would have been on board. But alas, there is no such material (Speaking of which -- have you ever noticed the way black people mow their lawns? Crazy.).

The best post? No contest:

Wednesday, July 5

All things in their proper time

Three Americans were telling anecdotes to il­lustrate the English dearth of humour, when they saw approaching a representative of that nation. It was agreed that the Englishman should then and there be put to the test. So one of the Americans stopped him and narrated a side-splitting yarn. The Englishman received the climax with an impas­sive face. The American, delighted, cried, "Cheer up, old man, you will laugh at that next summer."

"No," said the Briton gravely, "I think not."

"Why not?"

"Because I laughed at that last summer."

How do you say "unintentional comedy" in this guy's first language? "[W]hen they saw approaching a representative of that nation"? It's like one of those SAT questions where you have to pick the correct rewrite of a poor sentence.

But the most notable sentence, obviously, is "The Englishman received the climax with an impas­sive face."

The Englishman received the climax with an impassive face.

Don't you hate when they do that?

It's good to know that blogs like this exist.

This blog will make you laugh, but not at the jokes, yes? Rather because I am having terrible choice of words?